


I Never Asked for It to be This Way

by myzombiewriting



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Tries, Blood and Injury, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Tries, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Fighting, Hurt Deceit | Janus Sanders, I Don't Even Know, Logic | Logan Sanders Tries, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Multi, Out of Character, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 17:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30008493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myzombiewriting/pseuds/myzombiewriting
Summary: (This is also on my Tumblr but duck it I'll put it on here)I was watching SU again, and I wanted to make the part with Amethyst bringing Steven to the Kindergarten a fic where Deceit brings Thomas to the "Archives" where it's basically where the Dark Sides were made. It's run down and the others find them there, no one is happy about it. Deceit starts getting hurt about it, and a fight breaks loose.TL;DRBasically, Deceit takes Thomas to somewhere he shouldn't the others get mad, Deceit gets mad, they fight, it gets better.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Everyone
Kudos: 16





	I Never Asked for It to be This Way

**Author's Note:**

> aaa this is bad
> 
> Uh, warnings: injury(s), blood, arguing, psychical fighting, out of character, there might be swears? I forgot lol

Deceit was in his casual clothes. Which wasn’t normal, he never liked wearing these, he remembered when the archive had given them to him when his room wasn’t even in the mind palace yet.

Before any side is actually put into use, they would appear in the archive. They didn’t have a form per se, they were just outlines of their own colors. (If you’ve seen Soul it’s like Jerry and Terry) One day, while he was doing what he usually did, sat in the pitch black room the only light illuminating was himself and just staring. He had no recollection of what anything was; his brain wasn’t developed; he was just a bunch of lines who did have the functionality to move. And on a day like every other there was more light, it was bright and he saw something. It was about 4 more entities, but they looked different than him. They weren’t just outlines, they had an actual form. There was a figure that had a crown and a nice dark aesthetic but still looked welcoming, there were two who had glasses and both looked like they were nice, and the fourth, he was wearing an oversized black hoodie and most of his bangs covered his face and they looked scared.

But so did he. Deceit backed up from the light so not used to how bright it was. The light blue shirt one walked up to him, cautiously. There was something, but he didn’t know what it was. The dark blue also approached. He touched the “Dark Side’s” shoulder and he understood what that was, it was sound. And he could make it out now, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, we aren’t going to hurt you.” He looked the other up and down. “I’m Morality, nice to meet you.” Morality put his hand out. He didn’t know how to react. The other side who was wearing a crown had also touched his shoulder and he felt something. Touch, he had a form, and a black hoodie with a mustard yellow strip. It was nice. “Hi, I’m King.” He smiled, why was that? He looked proud, and a bit deranged. “I-...I’m Self… Or was it Deceit?” He questioned “There must’ve been a malfunction, oh well.” Deceit stood up and put his hands in his hoodie.

The other scared side very carefully made his way over. “I-I’m Paranoia.” He nodded. He soon noticed there was a paper in his pockets. He opened it. It said, “Janus”.

There was a tug. It made his stomach twist and turn and was overall unpleasant. Is this what the others go through? Gross. Deceit did sink out leaving his book on his bed. “Yes? What is-” Deceit stopped his complaint. It was only Thomas and him. Thomas had summoned him. Deceit cleared his throat and straightened his caplet. “Yes, Thomas?” Thomas looked, happy to see him, well that’s certainly not what he expected. Although, this whole scene was unpredictable, the other sides weren’t here “Oh- Well, usually when someone is accepted, like Virgil and Remus, and- er you, they take me somewhere in the Mindpalace so I know more of it one step at a time.” Deceit tilted his head. That seemed to only confuse him further. “I beg your pardon, Remus was accepted?” Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, technically we’re used to his antics,”

Deceit nodded and tilted his hat a little only to tilt it back. He was nervous and his mind was racing. So, Remus was accepted and he still stayed, that’s so nice. But he was accepted when he just showed himself? He wished it was that easy for him. “And where would I take you? I’m allowed in a lot of the places of the Mindscape” There was the tiniest of resentment in his voice and something in Thomas’s brain noticed. “What?” Deceit realized he made a mistake. Being considered a Dark Side a lot of the Mindscape was off limits. Because he would corrupt it. Roman’s Side of the Imagination was extremely off-limits. “I apologize, I meant I really don’t know what to show you,” Deceit quickly shrugged it off, “I’m assuming Remus took you to his side of the Imagination and that’s really the only place I’ve been. So I think you’d be absolutely thrilled if I took you there.” “Well, actually no,” Thomas replied.

“He showed me your guys’ side.” Deceit stiffened. He showed Thomas their side? That was his domain and he just- showed him? Thomas picked up on Deceit’s nervousness, and must be Virgil. “O-Oh! Don’t worry, bud, Remus refused to take me to your room.” Deceit let the anxiousness escape through a deep breath. He hated how weak he was to Thomas sometimes. “Yeah, okay. And Virgil? He had to have.” Thomas shook his head. Deceit raised an eyebrow. “Virgil wanted to show me more of his room since I had been so delirious I couldn’t remember it.” Deceit nodded. He cleared his throat again. “Well then I’d be delighted to show you the Imagination, at least Remus’s. I just need to make sure it’s okay.” Deceit was silently hoping he actually would say yes. Because the only other place he could take him is his room. And he wasn’t ready for that. It’s the only place where he feels safe he won’t let Thomas ruin it, even if he loves him so much.

“Yep!” Remus suddenly popped up only wearing boxers. Deceit sighed and slumped over. Of course, Remus always comes underdressed or overdressed. “Okay, let’s go.” Deceit sighed sinking out with the others. “Uhm, this place isn’t all too interesting,” Deceit put both of his hands on his neck walking. Thomas seems grossed out but also fascinated. “Oh god what’s that-'' Thomas grimaced at the sight. Deceit opened his eyes and looked down. Oh, it was the roots that had faces. Not as horrifying as the other stuff but still not normal “Oh don’t step on them, they’ll wail to no end.”

The first time Deceit was alone in the Imagination he had made the mistake of stepping on one. There was a loud ear-piercing screams from multiple of them and Deceit crouched on the ground. The sound was too loud for him and it was messing up his ability to, well, do anything. It felt like an eternity until their cries became quiet enough for him to run away being careful to not step on any other ones. Thomas nodded and stepped over them. Yet was stilled by something grabbing his ankle. “U-Uh, Janus?” Thomas stuttered. He was petrified. Deceit turned around and was shocked. “Wait! That’s the tree-” Deceit looked around. “Aha!” Deceit jumped over more head-roots and grabbed Thomas’s arm.

Deceit let out tiny giggles whilst he dragged Thomas somewhere. Thomas had never seen him like this. Perhaps the Imagination brought out a more childish side of the sides? Whatever it was, he wasn’t complaining. “Janus, where are we going?” Deceit smiled mischievously not missing a beat in his step. “You’ll see!” Deceit finally made it. It was around a cliff and there were about 4 vaults? The big sign read, “ARCHIVES”. “Woah, what is that thing?” There was a big tube of some sort of liquid that connected to the vaults, it didn’t seem to be active. Deceit looked over and his smile deteriorated a bit. “Eh, it’s just some old King stuff it’s probably busted by now.” Deceit shrugged it off. Deceit squealed when he saw it. “Look, Thomas! It’s the vault I came out of!” Deceit pointed at. Thomas stepped closer. “Wait, hang on,” Deceit tilted his head. “What?” Thomas asked, there was nothing but concern and confusion in his voice.

“It’s my vault!” Deceit giggled, he bounced up and down unable to stand still. Thomas on the other hand stood there in shock, frozen, his eyes wide. Deceit slowly turned the vault’s wheel slowly opening it. Deceit beamed as it opened. He walked in a yellow light bouncing from him. “Yep, still as dark as usual.” Deceit sighed sitting back into his usual spot. The room was very dark, the only light you could see was Deceit and outside the room, the rest of the room stayed completely pitch black. “You came out of this- vault..?” Thomas shaikly asked. Deceit nodded his smile only getting wider. “This is where I was made Thomas,” Deceit said nonchalantly, “ya’ know just one day,” Deceit made a popping sound but continued, “right into this vault!” Thomas took a moment to take a view steps back seeing most of the labels swinging like hinges or completely worn off. Deceit’s still looked brand new, it read, “Self-Preservation'' but before he could ask anything they both suddenly heard the teleportation pad they used to get here turn on.

“Oh no,” Deceit groaned. They heard footsteps running. It was the Conscious Sides. “Great, here comes the fun brigade.” (Yes I know what a brigade is. I just wanted to use it instead of police so shshshshsh.) Deceit stepped outside his vault.

“There you are!” Roman snarled. Deceit crossed his arms not making eye contact. Patton seemed reluctant to take another step but the others already did so he followed. “Remus said you’d be here but none of us wanted to believe it.” Deceit looked at the ground. They always have to ruin everything. Always budding in when they don’t need to, acting like he’s a child, or that he’s some monster. He’s not. Thomas ran towards the others. Patton spoke next, “Janus, what were you thinking bringing Thomas to the-” Patton was using his dad voice and noticed Thomas next to him, “archives.” Patton gritted through his teeth. Deceit was playing with a rock that was beneath his foot. Why are they ashamed of this place? Because he was made here? Of course they are. “I don’t know,” That answer only infuriated the others, “we were in the neighborhood.” Deceit kicked the rock off the cliff and it splashed into the river.

“Logan?” Asked Thoams. The Logical Side turned his head to look at him, his expression softening. “Yes, Thomas?” Thomas was fiddling with his shirt moving the sequence up and down before speaking sheepishly, “Was...Was Janus really made here?” Thomas asked sheepishly, he had so many questions. Virgil’s eyes widened and snapped his head towards Deceit. Deceit glared at him. “How much did you tell him!?” Deceit narrowed his eyes and raised his eyebrow. “What?” Deceit asked in mock confusion. He widened his eyes like he suddenly understood everything, even though he already knew. Deceit started to walk towards them. “You mean about the bad thing?” Deceit asked through his teeth his brows furrowed.

“How this bad place, is where King came to make more bad sides?” Deceit motioned with his hands. “Is that what you’re talking about!?” Deceit was pissed to say the least. Thomas gasped. “They made other Sides here!?” The others all looked at Thomas with a shocked expression and went back to glaring at Deceit. Roman stepped forward. “Snake Face, he’s not ready!” Deceit smiled painfully. He took another step.

“Oh! But don’t worry Thomas,” Deceit’s voice was fake and it sounded hurt. “everythings just fine now!”

“Janus.” Virgil warned.

“It all worked out! They won!” Deceit kept getting closer and closer. Patton looked at Thomas, he looked worried. Roman noticed too.

“Stop!” Roman shouted pointing his sword at the snake.

“And they shut this place down,”

“Stop!” Patton cried holding Thomas closer.

“so your mind could be safe from parasites like me!" Deceit was as close as one could get. There was a painful smile on his face and it looked like unfallen tears were in his human eye, his snake eye glossy.

“Janus! That’s enough!” Logan pushed Deceit away from Thomas. Deceit walked away. He put his hand on the door of his vault, it was cold. But, it gave him a serene feeling. But it didn’t quell the irky that he was feeling from the others. “Guys?” Thomas asked his eyes and voice watery. The others looked at him. “Thomas, I’m sorry, I never wanted you to see this horrible place!” Roman sincerely apologized, putting a hand over his heart.

Horrible? _Horrible!?_

Deceit summoned his shepherd's crook along with a lasso that he had, there’s always more than one way to deal with sheeps. “Then why don’t you just- leave!” Roman gasped as he felt something wrap around his torso. Roman was quick to hold onto it ready to tear it in half but he was suddenly thrown in the air soon hitting the tube. “Roman!” The others cried running over but Thomas stood still. Roman groaned holding his head. He shakily grabbed his sword again and summoned his shield. He cut the lasso and threw it off the cliff. “Admit it,” Deceit snarled a new lasso coming back for a vengeance. Roman shoved the others out of the way and dived away as well.

“I’m just an embarrassment to you guys!” The lasso whipped the glass leaving the tiniest crack and some of the liquid dribbled out. Thomas was shocked, was that really Deceit talking? “Janus!” Deceit shot daggers at the host but nonetheless ignored him. “We don’t want to fight you!” Patton pleaded. In Roman’s mind that was debatable. He always wanted to have a duel, but for him to be defending the others and himself? This was crazy. “I wouldn’t fight me either.” Deceit muttered to himself. He suddenly ran towards them. Virgil jumped but still shot his purple webs,(like spiderman lol) hopefully trying to catch the Deceitful Side and to calm him down.

But Deceit kept dodging them, when did Deceit become so diligent? He always got caught. Deceit jumped off a rock that was nearby the lasso coming back once again this time Logan stepped back and made the others do to before stepping on it. Roman was worried Deceit would pull it under Logan’s foot like a rug so he quickly cut it with his sword.

“You guys! Stop it!” Thomas shouted, ruining towards them. Deceit panted and looked at his cut lasso. “Stay out of this!” The lasso caught onto Thomas' ankles and he fell. Roman’s eyes widened, did he just hurt the host? Suddenly a fire ignited in Roman’s chest and he ran towards the half-snake side. Nobody ever gets away with that. Deceit quickly looked back seeing the movement and jumped back summoning another lasso. Virgil shot another web and it caught Deceit’s foot. Deceit ducked as Roman tried to tackle him. Deceit tried to swing Roman away with his crook but suddenly something hit him and the web broke causing him to slide halfway down the cliff almost falling. Deceit bared his fangs as he made it up side. “Janus! Stop this, you can’t beat us!” Logan stated.

That one sentence enraged Deceit beyond belief. He was livid and that was his tipping point. “I don’t care!” Deceit shouted Deceit’s other arms popped into the mix and suddenly a lasso captured all of them. “Wha-” Logan was stunned by how quickly that happened. Thomas had gotten his ankles untied but he was a little more than scared to move. “I’m not gonna let you stand there and remind me of everything I hate about myself!” Deceit cried out the other arms moving subconsciously and the others hit the tube it cracked and the drills holding it down went too deep into the cliffside.

The tub was the only thing keeping the cliff, well a cliff. Virgil let out a complaint and the lasso loosened and he shoved himself away from the others. Virgil shakily looked up.

Deceit was crying.

“I never asked for it to be this way!” Deceit sobbed out. “I never asked to be made!” Hearing that broke the others’ heart. “Janus…” Virgil croaked out his own tears falling as well. Thomas finally got out of his own trance and ran in front of the others. Deceit near the cliffside and the others blocked from him. Just like old times.

“Janus! Please no more!” Thomas shook his head, also letting the tears fall from his eyes. That whole scene was so hard to watch. The inner conflict between his sides was worse than he thought. "I know you're upset but-" Thomas sniffed and took a deep breath. “I can’t stand to watch you five hurt each other.” Abruptly the ground started shaking. The stability of the tube was crashing down along with the side of the cliff. Thomas backed up and Roman put a shield around them. Patton noticed Deceit was not in the bubble.

“Janus!” Patton cried.

Virgil started to bang on the shield and yelling towards the Deceitful Side, but Roman couldn’t open it, there wasn’t enough time. Deceit wasn’t even trying to get in, he was, running off the cliff? Logan stood there in shock and Roman had tears running down his face, he couldn’t save everyone. The tube started to fall along with the hanging part of the cliff side. The outside looked black for a while but it soon cleared.

“Janus!?” Patton and Virgil called out to him. Hoping that he was still alive.The others looked around. “Where are you!?” Thomas yelled out the tears were not stopping, to think he just lost Deceit. They were starting to get used to each other. Fortunately, Logan soon saw him, his gloves were off and his claws were slowing down the fall on the cliff side and he reached the bottom. “Janus!” The others were relieved. Deceit started to run away from them. The others noticed and ran down the cliff. Deceit jumped and ran further, he found a cave that he would hide in when things got too much. And that’s what he did, the vines covered it. Suddenly his arm hurt, way too much to be normal. Did he over do it? He did lift 4 people with only a lasso so maybe the pressure was sent back through his body.

Deceit groaned as the pain started to come in waves. The others heard that. “In there!” Patton pointed out as he still bawled his eyes. Thomas was the first one to peak his head in. Deceit was facing away from the entrance hiding his face in his knees. One pair of his arms hugging himself and the others holding the original pair of arms as one of the arms was extremely injured.

“Dee!” Thomas said in surprise. “Go away.” Deceit said exasperatedly. But the hiccups said something different. Thomas took a step closer. “I’m bad and you shouldn’t be around me.” Deceit’s voice cracked. “What? Bud, that’s ridiculous!” Thomas contradicted. When he didn’t budge Thomas took the time to breathe in and breathe out. Calming himself. “Look, I don't know what any of this really means but I-” Deceit cut him off. “Yeah, you don’t.” Deceit huffed out. Thomas closed his mouth letting his Side speak. “Because if you did, we would be back to square one.” Did he mean when they first met? When they all thought he was bad, and only out to do Thomas wrong? Deceit curled further into himself his grip on his arm was tighter and his nails were digging through his skin. Thomas motioned for the other ones. “Guys get in here. You need to help me!” Thomas whispered, but Deceit knew. He was Thomas so he knows most if not all his plans, and their whispering was way too loud.

“But-” He cut the others off and stared at them intensely. “You guys have to talk to him.” The others nodded and walked in. They got closer to the Lost Side.

“Janus…?” Patton said. He took a deep breath, his hiccuping starting to go away. “Janus, I-I had no idea you’ve been upset about this!” Patton tried to explain himself. Deceit choked out something.

"What!?”

Deceit looked up tears streaming down his face, his human side red and his scales were paler than usual. It might just be because of the lighting. Patton stiffened turning a little red out of embarrassment. “You had no idea!?” Deceit asked furiously. Deceit scoffed out a fake laugh. “This is like- my entire existence!” Deceit motioned with his extra arms. His claws were digging further into his skin and he could feel blood dripping down his arm.

“You wanna pretend that none of this ever happened!” Deceit’s tears started running down his human cheek faster.

“You think I’m just a big mistake!” Deceit clutched his hair causing his hat to fall askew. Patton was stunned and didn't know what to say. However, Logan did and took a step in. “No, no, no, Janus,” Logan said in the most sincere tone he could do. Although, it sounded more condescending than sympathetic. “you’re not the mistake!” Logan smiled softly hoping the other would do the same. He didn’t.

“You’re just a by-product….of a…” Logan started to say it slower understanding what he was saying was not the right thing. “...big mistake.” Roman face also heated up from second hand embarrassment. “No, that’s not-! That’s not what Glasses was saying-” Roman stammered over his words. Logan glared at Roman tilted his glasses a bit.

“We just never thought of this- as you!” Roman finally spoke clearly, still stuttering though. “None of this is your fault! You didn’t build that place, I-..” And he suddenly lost his words when he saw it wasn’t helping. Roman kept stammering again and Patton hid his face in Logan’s chest. Suddenly,

Virgil spoke, “I'm sorry Janus.." Deceit’s eyes widened but were hidden by his knees. “I hope you can forgive me,” Virgil wasn’t talking about now. He was talking about everything. And both of them knew that. "you're the one good thing that came out of this mess," “I always thought you were proud of that.” As soon as those words left Virgil’s mouth Deceit tackled him into a hug.

Virgil was surprised, he never liked hugs. And he never accepted them, especially from Deceit. But this one was okay. They both needed it. Deceit giggled through watery tears, Virgil also started to laugh as well, his eyeshadow turning a bright purple. Patton picked Virgil up so he wasn’t on the gross cave floor and hugged him. Logan put his hand on Deceit’s shoulder, still not too fond of anyone touching him either way. Roman was able to hold an impressive three seconds before bursting into tears and clutching onto all of them. The latter only left Deceit to yelp in pain.

The others loosened their grip. “What’s wrong?” Patton asked sheepishly. “Mhmm,” Deceit rubbed his arm. That hurt a little too much. “Oh, is your arm injured from welding-” Logan didn’t finish the sentence catching onto the death glares given to him. Logan nodded. “We’ll fix that up,” Logan said as Roman scoped Deceit into his arms. Deceit let out a tiny squeak not prepared from the sudden touch. “We can have a little get well party for all of us!” Patton beamed. It all suddenly hit Deceit. “W-Wait, did I hurt you guys!?” Roman shrugged Deceit still in his arms.

“I mean just some cuts and forming bruises but those will heal none of us are super hurt. Honestly, the tube didn’t even-” Virgil smacked Roman on the back of his head. Roman glared at him only for it to be received himself. “We don’t need you reciting what happened.”

Thomas was happy, they were starting to get along again.

-

Deceit suddenly jolted awake, he hadn’t realized he fell asleep. That meant the others carried him. That means, he never got to say sorry. They must’ve just left him after they took care of his injuries. They had to have left him, his outburst was uncalled for and unredeemable. The- Suddenly there was a hand pushing him back down on the bed. It came from someone laying next to him. Virgil?

“Shhh, go back to sleep Snake- oh whatever, your panicking way too much for me to be able to sleep.” Virgil sleepily complained. Why was Virgil laying with him!? Suddenly the door opened and someone turned on the light. “Hey Dee, did you sleep well?” Remus? Deceit shook his head, not really. It was pitch balck and his body ached.

Remus shrugged, “Oh well, you’ll have plenty of more time to have better ones,” Remus got closer and sat on the bottom of the bed. “,nothing to fret boat? About! Especially over one in a- wait no- inconsequential drem- drm? Dream!” Remus was looking at his hand. Deceit chuckled slightly. “Did Logan write something on your hand?” Remus huffed, Deceit knew all of them too well. Well, not enough to not worry about abandonment. “Yeah but my sweat made it hard to read.” Deceit grimianced about how much sweat he would need to produce for the pen to become illegible.

Well, Logan also might’ve written in cursive which Remus can barely read by itself. Virgil cringed. “Okay trash man get off the bed I don’t want none of your sweat here.” Remus blew a raspberry and plopped onto the floor. Remus chuckled, “I leave you alone with the others for one day and you break your arm.”

Wait? What? Deceit was about to say he didn’t because the pain wasn’t terrible and there was no way he actually did but Remus spoke. “Oo! DeeDee! Did you see your cast!?” Remus' smile was nearly ear to ear bouncing in a frog-like possession yet his feet pointed inward. “My what-?” Deceit looked down. He had a cast on the arm that was injured. It had a lot of writing on it.

Patton saying puns and how he wanted to bake with him but at the end of it, “I love you,” was written.

The other was Logan talking about how he’d be taking care of him and how he will get better soon but it also ended with, “I love you”.

Roman was talking about how he put up a good fight it was one of the best ones he’s had since a long time and it also ended with “I love you”.

Virgil’s was saying about how much he’s missed him and how they need to hang out (hug was crossed out but Deceit could still read it) more often and ended with “I love you”.

Remus had a disgusting drawing but was talking about how worried he was when he was watching him fight with the others through Thomas’s eyes and that if he ever did that again without help he’d kill him, but it also ended with, “I love you”.

Thomas was talking about how much he appreciated him trying to show him something but they should take it one step at a time and that he and the others talked about something. There is no Light and Dark. Deceit was crying but he didn’t notice until tears fell onto his cast. “Dee?” Virgil asked anxiously. Deceit shook his head and hugged Virgil. “God! You guys are such idiots!” Deceit sobbed out.

The others rushed in after they heard crying. All of the three former Dark Sides were crying and hugging. The others sighed and looked at each other.

“So Janus?”

Deceit sniffed and looked at the others. “I hate that I love you guys.” The others laughed and Patton threw himself onto the bed joining in. Roman and Logan also did moments later.


End file.
